When I’m supposed to wrap my head around a very important task, but then my brain doesn’t want to cooperate with me that it wanders to a place where it should not have been there. Oh God, I am completely fckd 🙁

HELP!

Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan nya udah selesai. Kemarin waktu awal mulai puasa, gue setakut itu bakalan ga kuat puasa 19 jam dan ternyata setelah dijalanin… ya emang ga kuat sih, awal-awal lemes, perut kerucukan mulu, dan otak mulai bego begitu menjelang sore. Alhamdulillahnya ya tetep berhasil puasanya. Dan ternyata juga, ya puasa disini ga seberat kayak di Indo karena disini cuacanya sejuk dan adem jadi ga bikin haus—kecuali beberapa hari terakhir Ramadhan kemarin sih, suhunya sampai 30-an derajat bahkan jalan ke City Center aja keringat pun bercucuran.

Ini pertama kalinya Idul Fitri jauh dari rumah, kalau Idul Adha udah pernah soalnya—waktu Mama Papa menunaikan kewajiban rukun Islam mereka poin terakhir, dan gue beserta kakak-kakak gue sepakat untuk bail out dan ga lebaran di rumah. Lalu, jadilah kita lebaran di Bandung layaknya anak ayam kehilangan induk karena ngga ada Mama Papa.

Pertama kali juga setelah bertahun-tahun, akhirnya ga seragaman baju lebaran lagi sama keluarga besar—penting! Karena biasanya gue lah yang selalu paling ribut bahkan dari sebelum bulan puasa dimulai, buat milih warna seragam lebaran tiap tahunnya.

Pertama kali juga, tahun ini lebaran keluarga besar agak dialihkan ke rumah kami di Jatiwaringin karena kondisi Mama yang unfit dan belum dibolehin sama dokter buat dibawa kemana-mana… Kangen juga ternyata, dirusuhin Mama pagi-pagi karena gue suka lelet siap-siapnya dan bikin orang serumah kesiangan atau mepet banget berangkat solat Eid nya. Terus di mobil, Mama pasti udah siapin bekel buat sarapan gue di jalan—karena tentu saja si bungsu ini ga sempet sarapan dulu di rumah soalnya begitu gue siap, semua orang udah duduk manis di mobil sambil manyun nungguin gue haha. Ma, ayo cepet sembuh ya Ma so we can make brand new memories :’)

And for the first time ever, gue ngerasain solat Eid multicultural dan suara imamnya bukanlah suara familiar Papa, atau khutbah nya bukanlah doa-doa yang biasa Papa tulis dengan sajak berirama yang bikin menitikkan air mata. Disini khutbah nya dua bahasa, Arabic sama English—yang bahasa Arab so pasti ane ga paham gan, dan yang English berhubung listening gue agak-agak busuk plus bagian perempuan keberisikan sama tangisan dan jeritan bayi-bayi, jadi yha kurang paham juga doi ngomong apaan.

Walaupun tahun ini Ramadhan dan lebarannya tanpa makanan favorit sepanjang masa (es buah, rendang, sop iga, cumi sambel ijo, ataupun soto padangnya nenek, oh dan tak lupa sagu keju, semprit dan kolang-kaling), 2017 so far jadi tahun yang bikin gue selalu terkesima sama segala first time moments nya.

Dan pembelajaran dari pengalaman kali ini, no no I won’t trade my family for anything in this world, no. Apapun itu, pokoknya family comes first. Terima kasih Tuhan, karena udah dipertemukan sama orang-orang baik disini yang bisa mengobati rindu rumah. Teruntuk para om dan tante yang udah sukarela masakin ketupat, opor ayam beserta teman-temannya yang bikin lebaran kali ini jadi ga sepi-sepi amat…

My lord, please forgive me for I am a sinner. Terima kasih ya Allah for your infinity blessings 🙂

Terima kasih sudah pada berbaik hati ngumpul di kasur Mama cuma supaya berhasil dapet foto keluarga lengkap yang ternyata hasilnya blurrr ini

Eid mubarak!

Semoga akan ada first time moments lainnya in the years to come. Ah tapi years kejauhan sih, weeks aja lah target gue mah, ga muluk. And thanks for being the one who pointed that out. I am flattered—eh, engga deng biasa aja :p

Missing every single one of the ones I love back home…Akhirnya, foto farewell berhasil diunggah juga—walaupun telat banget ya sis, bentar lagi juga udah mau balik ke Indo (better late than never lah yaa). Ini sequence nya berdasarkan the last time I saw them before I departed, bukan berdasarkan siapa yang lebih penting cause they all will always hold a special place in my heart (kiwww)…

Ini adalah efek samping dari browsing tiket pulang tapi ga nemu yang mureee. Yasudahlah aku pasrah, mungkin emang disuruh fokus sama disertasi aja sampai beres.

Let me go hooome~~~

#brbnyanyihomedipojokansambilmewek

Happiness is in the little things.

It is that wake-up call with a stupid song on the maximum volume, which made you cracked a smile then laughed uncontrollably with eyes closed.

It is that one sticker you received just a moment before you took the stage.

It is that familiar voice at the end of the line to brighten up your busy week.

Every time the sun goes down, I feel the urge to open up this page and write all those cute and adorable yet sometimes annoying things that have happened lately. But then, something is always holding me back… What’s the point of pouring my heart out anyway, when you already know what lies within? Right?

There is always the first time for everything they say. Dan first time kali ini disponsori oleh jaringan internet flat yang super stabil dan sharescreen technology which allow us to watch a movie together—walaupun terpisah jarak dan waktu. Dan emang bener ya, kadang good things happen when you least expect them.

I dont want to ask for anything better than this, cos for now, this is more than just enough. And like, for the first time ever, I dont want to hold on too tight on something that might be the thing I’ve been looking for, or at least that can make me happy di tengah terpaan badai exams dan tesis yang mulai menggila. I loose my grip. If it’s meant to be then it will be, dan kalau emang engga, mau diusahain kek apa juga ga akan pernah bisa. Kali ini, gue ga mau jadi control freak yang harus selalu tau what’s next. No, I’m so tired of being that person, not anymore. Ya walaupun tetep aja ada satu hal yang gue tau dengan pasti, this kind of high will cost me a great pain to deal with in the end, cycle nya selalu begitu. But for now, for now, sit, buckle up the seatbelt and enjoy the ride, shall we?

Hey Mom, I just dont know how to put these into words. But all I know is, I miss you more with each passing day. I know you’re still here but sometimes I feel like you’re so out of reach. I really wish you could hear me. I wish that we could talk. I really wish we could have a real conversation cause right now everything is new to me. It feels like there is a void in my heart that no matter what I do, nothing could ever fill the hole it left me. I need your motherly judgement to get me through all of this. Please Ma, I dont know how long I can take this anymore. I cant be that strong… not anymore.

I just hope that when you wake up in the morning, you would grab your phone and an emptiness catch your heart, for you miss all the times I’ve phoned you so many times just to wake you up so you drag that lazy ass off to the mosque.

I just hope that when the nights keep you from sleeping, you would stare at the roof and wish that we could talk, for I’ve always kept you company with all those silly jokes I’ve told.

I just hope that one day, you would regret not telling me to stay when I consciously let things slipped away.

And when somebody mentions my name, I do hope that you would smile, remembering all the good times we’ve had for the briefest moment that we shared.

#kalokatataysihthebravestthingIeverdidwasrun #timingisalwaysabitchyabok #tandatandapmsnihbosansajalangsungcurhat #huft

My first true love was getting married this weekend. Oh, and I almost forget how much he meant to me back then.

Almost forget the way he stood and grinned nervously at the tour bus, asking me to be his gf in front of the whole class, and my best friends were helping him to sing that cheesy song.

Almost forget how my Mama was surprised to open the front door and seeing him smile, picking me up for our proper first date.

Almost forget how he taught me my very first driving lesson that Saturday, like we broke all the rules, and we’re dead if our parents knew about it.

Almost forget how anxious I was all the way to his house, meeting his family for the very first time. And so glad to find out that his mother is such a lovely and nice person. And I guess, knowing that she likes me too, and always treating me like her own daughter is making it kinda hard for me to move on when we broke up.

Almost forget those sweet gifts he gave me, and oh, that big blue teddy bear for our anniversary was the winner fo sho. And all those sweet things which he did that will take too long to write, because oh yes, I could go on and on, on and on, and I will…

Until that night, when a text arrived on my phone. I knew it was coming, I knew that one day he’ll marry someone who isnt me. I knew it all along. And though we’ve had our separate ways for too long, not even one Eid Al Fitr has passed without us sending each other those obligatory texts, praying for each other’s family. And when my siblings got married, he and his Mom never missed the invitation for the wedding. The fact that Papa came to his last night, just making this whole thing more absurd. But no, not even for a split second I regret all the things that we’ve been through. I’m so glad that we did what we did. I know it’s for the best.

All that remains is the sweet memories. Thank you for making me feel so loved, for once in my life. Hope all is well with you…